Sex Talk: Learn from the Cindy/Sheebah music battle 

The recent music battle between Cindy and Sheebah brought a thought to mind. Sex in marriage.

Yes… if your partner more often than not gets a bad performance from you, no amount of words and browbeating will negate that fact; just improve the skill. We have always agreed that talk, communication and all are important, but do not get too comfortable just because your mind says you made it.

Some people just talk too much, as that battle proved, but when it gets down to walking the walk, things are different.

“I cook better than many chefs; I am spotless clean; my body is perfect…” All true maybe, but do you deliver when placed on the ‘other’ podium?

Enough with the “I built you this beautiful house, I bought you a huge car, I take you on holiday every year”… awesome! But what do you deliver when the whistle blows and you slip between those sheets with your spouse?

Those other things speak well for you as a generous husband, as a hardworking person, as a provider, as a nurturer, an amazing cook and mother, but…how do you score as a lover? Too much talk (okwesoma) is usually a poor sign, I have come to learn.

And I am not talking about frequency, or even size… It is good to make love often or regularly, but it should be quality lovemaking too. So, back to the music battle analogy; how classic and enduring is your hit? How pitch-perfect are those notes?

How did the fan respond to your stage performance? Or, will they later only be talking about things not related to what you really set out to do in the first place? (“Ah, the lights were superb; did you see what she was wearing?”)

What really counts is not how much noise you make, it is how appreciative the audience is afterwards, and how enthused they are that they just can’t stop talking about you and reminiscing that performance.

Everyone loves a good cheerleader; that is why we try to pull as many in-laws, friends and relatives as possible to our side, but at the end of the day, the biggest cheerleader needs to agree with that crowd.

No matter what the relatives, friends and in-laws say, if you fail to get your game on with the main cheerleader, you are not completely out of the woods, yet. Anything can happen…And there is no ‘cheerleader’ currently as toxic as social media; that is the necessary evil that has attacked marriages.

I don’t know how many have been ruined because of people being so keen on what their partner posts and how many likes whatever it is they post gets. Or how often one posts photos on the socials that scream “couple goals” to followers, instead of investing that time and energy in a possibly floundering marriage in real life.

Just deliver at crunch time what is required of you and forget social media. Marriages are made in heaven, not on the Internet. And no, don’t blame the sound technicians either.

It is not that your wife does not know how to morale-boost proper-proper, or that your husband is lacking in affirmative words and gestures; it is possible that your “meal” is simply lacking in many ways.

So, pray. Yes, learn to put God first, even if you have to sing another person’s song like Cindy did. If you honour God, He knows the strength, ingredients, fluids, health, skill and erogenous zones you both need to make that marriage enjoyable. If you must see a sex therapist, then do that, but I believe God is actually the best sex therapist you could ever find.

caronakazibwe@gmail.com