Why you may need to consider a DNA test 

There are many talks on social media about men carrying out DNA tests, and to their shock, the so-called biological children are not really their own.

Imagine out of six children, none of them is yours yet you pay school fees, and moreover in international schools? Parents strive to invest in their children academically, financially, emotionally, medically, and in their overall well-being.

Raising and grooming children can be expensive but it is worth the journey. We all hustle in various ways be- cause of our families. Then you wake up one morning only to find that these adult children you have toiled with for many years are for someone else. That also means that this so-called “wife” isn’t yours alone. You have been cost-sharing with someone else for years.

There have been many stories of how men are running to DNA-testing facilities to confirm if they are potential fathers. Some people say it is not necessary, while some say it is necessary. Some people are sympathetic to presumed “fathers” and some to children.

These tests come with challenges and stress for all parties, especially the husband and children, but also to the mother. However, even the newly-established father will encounter issues in his marriage, and the relatives of the man that have been taking care of them will hate the woman and the children, among others.

There is tension mostly in the two families because the culprits may have kept it secret to keep their marriages stable. But will the marriage survive? Will the new father officially marry her if she is divorced?

What if she moved there because of some conditions, not just because of love but she loves her current husband who is now demanding divorce? These could be some of the challenges women seek to avoid by keeping secret the identity of the father.

I feel it is important for men who have been feeling suspicious that children are not their own to carry out a DNA test so that they stop living a doubtful or distrustful life with these children, which causes unnecessary psychological and emotional stress.

Also, in situations where the paternity of a child is in question, a DNA test can help identify who the real father is and the child’s genetic origin. This can help establish the legal paternity of this child. If the child was neglected, s/he will finally find his/her biological roots and possibly settle. If a man claims your child and you have been fighting over it, why not go for a test to put the matter to rest?

Women who have been cheating or intend to cheat on their husbands may realize that this may cause them challenges and this may bring it to their attention that they need to be careful. This can mitigate unfaithfulness in marriage. And the reverse may be true for men.

We read a message on social media with a sculpture of a pregnant woman and a man standing beside it. The caption read: “African guy practicing how to deny a pregnancy…” and my wife’s comment was: “There is no need to deny a pregnancy now because DNA is here to sort men out…”

Men and women should take DNA tests seriously. This will stop men from playing around with people’s daughters or wives and denying children. Therefore, in such circumstances, a test comes in handy. If there are issues of fighting for property ownership or a child is forced on you, this is your right to get the truth. Or why would you spend too much on a child that will be claimed by another person next time?

Nevertheless, the mental and psychological well-being of these children should be at the center of all this. As a father rushing to perform this test, first pause and think about the consequences on the child(ren), and wife if you are only suspecting and it turns out negative.

Will your children trust you? I hope it will not affect them to realize that their father did a DNA test. Also, think about your mental health, especially if it turns out that the children are not yours. Will you be able to handle the devastating news of your life? Will you control your emotions or perhaps even commit suicide?

Who will lose? Before you suspect your wife on trust issues, first determine if you too are faithful. What if you agree with your spouse on how to handle these issues before you expose yourself to more harm than good? How about if you choose to love this child as an adopted one?

Again, I would like to advocate for the wellness of the child(ren) and your marriage. As marrieds and parents, we should look at handling issues amicably before they escalate.

The writer is a child advocate, parenting coach, marriage counselor, and founder – Men of Purpose mentorship programme