Sex Talk: We may need barber skills at this rate! 

On Sunday evening, I rushed to a unisex salon to do my nails and marveled at all these women with huge backsides (emphasis, huge – they looked almost artificial) recruited solely to massage and pamper male clients after a haircut.

It starts with a face scrub washed off with a warm towel, then a shampoo and lengthy head massage at the sink, before the client returns to a chair for further ministrations. Of course, the ‘treat’ was not new to me, but how advanced it has become took me by surprise.

This client had been relieved of his shirt and only wore an undervest. After the big-bummed girl was done massaging every inch of his head and neck, her hands disappeared inside his vest, rubbing his chest and kneading his man-boobs. Ah!

My sisters, you just may have to learn a thing or two about how those barber tools work and start giving these extra treats at home. Although I highly suspect that even then, just like with football and the bar, the men will argue that a haircut is best enjoyed in a proper barbershop.

For the record, none of the two women that came in for haircuts got the special treatment…Well, just know that if that client’s wife had been watching the liberties that came with a 15k haircut, she would have been irate.

Just like the husband of the light-skinned hajati who was getting a pedicure and the male pedicurist’s foot massage went beyond her knees; I know people whose most erogenous zone is found at the back of their knees!

Well, never mind that my own manicurist (male, again) was threatening to send me to sleep with the blissful way his hands worked their magic on my arms!

Look, the service industry has changed. A lot. And in a world where many people hardly get enough love at home anymore, married couples are seeking comforts and compliments in interesting places.

One beautiful wife – may God continue to rest her soul in peace – used to frequent the sauna not so much because of its health benefits, but because of how the patrons there made her feel. Beautiful. Validated. Desired.

While some of us complained about the abnormal familiarity from male patrons that management turned a blind eye to – I left the health club because of it – this wife lived for that attention.

“Gwe, do you know the last time my husband told me I was beautiful, or noticed my glowing skin, a different hairstyle or new wardrobe?” she once said as we debated the men’s bad manners between sauna sessions.

“Here, I walk into the sauna in this short, wet kasuuka and all the men stop talking, stunned by my beauty. They don’t know how much they boost my self-esteem and my will to stay in that affectionless marriage!”

To be clear, she never did anything inappropriate at the sauna, but welcomed the sexist comments and all the treatment bordering on sexual harassment. All because of the deficiency at home.

When I heard that she had succumbed to Covid-19, I wondered whether her husband ever felt any regret for having wasted the short time they had together. Why can’t you tell your wife that she is beautiful and make her feel desirable? Why should she depend on the boda boda riders for that?

Why can’t you make your husband feel special and valued in that marriage, as opposed to just calling him ‘king’ on social media with no actions in the privacy of your marriage to match?

They are seeking – and getting – that attention elsewhere. Don’t even get me started on some massage parlours. I was glad when I watched one client at the salon get his haircut then decline the ‘extras’ and leave, as the one in the undervest continued to purr and enjoy the ministrations.

Be responsible for the new spring in your spouse’s step; leave no gaps to be filled by strangers’ touches and sweet words, because nobody knows when that ‘professional’ touch will trigger much more!

carol@observer.ug