Sex Talk: To each couple their own 

The question, ‘what exactly comprises foreplay?’ keeps popping up, like there is a specific list somewhere on the topic.

The list does not exist. There are only popularized forms of foreplay that people have picked up from erotic literature and videos, but truth is, depending on your couple dynamics, anything can qualify as foreplay.

Some couples simply never kiss; it is not their thing, and in fact hate the idea of ‘swapping saliva’, as I have heard kissing being described uncountable times. But that is what western literature and films glorify as foreplay, sending thousands of clueless couples into doing funny-looking antics with their lips, which don’t turn them on and whose art they don’t really understand.

So, where kissing is not tolerated, couples get right into it without any preparation, with disastrous effects, especially for a wife, who will almost always need proper prepping before sex. The idea of foreplay is for one (often the husband) to not rudely dive for one’s spouse (often the wife) without any ‘preamble’.

In fact, there should be ample prologues and epilogues in your lovemaking stories.

“Almost anything done at any time might fall into the category of foreplay, as long as it is pleasurable. There are so many ways to give and receive pleasure. Every person and every couple are different. So why not include anything that has ever been associated with pleasure over your whole lifetime in your expanded definition of what foreplay is. A great definition might be everything right up to intercourse!” Suzie Heumann and Dr Susan Campbell write in their The Everything Great Sex Book.

An entire day can become foreplay for one couple that knows how to use their phones and words well, without even touching their spouse. You can tease, flirt, be generous with words and gifts, and even talk about what it is you plan to do to him/her when you reunite after work – enough to whet the right appetite.

When the T-time comes, you will be surprised by how ready for you, your spouse will be. But if your couple dynamics are that you communicate on phone only when it is absolutely necessary, then explore what truly turns your spouse on and splurge on that.

Do you know you can comb your wife’s hair, or remove (even imaginary) dandruff from her scalp and turn a vital switch on?

Or that a mundane task like trimming his nails and ending that with a proper hand/foot massage can qualify as foreplay if you want it to? What happened to good old slow dancing where the dress code does not matter?

Like I said, there is no list of these things; just allow yourself to occasionally get out of the kissing/kneading/tickling box. Those do get old as the marriage also grows, you know…

So, turn conversations and everyday tasks into foreplay too. You can decide to make your husband a meal (totally exclude the maid), but dress up very suggestively while at it, and you will need no words to get some action later. In other words, create your own list.

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