Sex Talk: How does your spouse look on you? 

Someone occasionally asks, how do I know my soulmate, if anything like that even exists?

Well, topmost, is how they “look on you”. Start there. Have you met a couple that looks shockingly miserable, unhealthy and disoriented months after the wedding? That is the look I am talking about.

I know women that last spotted that glowing look months before they met their spouse. Then it was like, a light went out. A beautiful girl marries a man and then swoosh! She transforms into a haggard, unhappy mess soon after, without even saying a word.

A handsome man takes a wife and within weeks, he looks unhealthy, unhappy and diffident. His wife does not look good on him. That’s all. And you guessed it right; a lot of it boils down to the quality of lovemaking in that marriage.

Remember, the chemicals and hormones released before, during and after a good lovemaking session are responsible for one’s beauty glow, good health, happy disposition, drive, and much more, and the opposite is true.

Oxytocin, dopamine and serotonin, among others, are feel-good chemicals that are released during gratifying sex, in addition to other things such as exercise, healthy diets or pleasurable activities like shopping, which one may engage in.

I have a friend that I often tease because I know exactly when the sex in her marriage is “sexing” and when it is not. Just by observing her temperament, physical appearance and disposition. And whenever I point out, “You must be due for some good loving”, she laughs and confirms that it has been a while.

And when things are going great in that area of her marriage, again you can tell from afar from the glow on her face and bounce in her step.
You can tell a happily married man by just looking at him, then confirm it when you interact with him. Some things cannot be faked.

Now, some spouses go through brief droughts where they may suffer temporarily but are otherwise well-suited for each other and quickly reignite their passion.

But other couples may not even be suffering a sex drought; they simply don’t look good on each other. Ever. Since she married this man, she has aged ten years over her real age. Since he married this woman, his physical look and finances have greatly suffered.

It does not matter how often they make love, no happy hormones or chemicals ever get released because of how ungratifying it always is, how much they resent each other, how little ecstasy and joy they derive from each other’s company, how much silence hangs between them because they cannot even sustain a conversation with each other.

So, do you look good on your spouse or have you simply dimmed his light and fortunes ever since you came into his life?

Is your wife better off having married you, or if you were honest with yourself, you would admit that you knocked her several rungs down her happiness ladder?

Soulmates are good for and on each other in every way: sexually, emotionally, physically, spiritually, financially… They don’t have to broadcast that they are happy and compatible; they just are. You only have to look at them and their dynamic and know.

These couples seem to change overnight for the better after the wedding, and the opposite is very true. So, are you a good look on your spouse, or not? Do something. Start with improving your sex game and bring some ecstasy, pink elephants and happy hormones back into your spouse’s life.

They will be more creative, more attentive, more hardworking, more driven, more self-confident with just that component falling into place.

caronakazibwe@gmail.com