Mpuuga to NUP: The whataboutism of “Even your shoes are ugly!”

A friend tells of an employer-employee relationship that soured and ended badly.

Mister and Madam unhappy with their domestic help proceeded to fire her, citing her consistent petulance towards her responsibilities and her bosses. The fired worker seized the opportunity to have the last word. Unshackled from the confines of employment that had curtailed her freedom of speech, she eyeballed the Madam and snarled, “Even your shoes are ugly!”

This amusing anecdote usually comes to mind when I follow online arguments. Many, when cornered over their opinions, having failed to defend them, resort to the inane ‘Even your shoes are ugly.’ When the journalist Remmy Bahati once challenged the newly clean-shaven army Chief of Defence Forces Gen Muhoozi Kainerugaba, over his rather ‘interesting’ tweets, Muhoozi responded by calling her ugly, which his rabid troll army gleefully milked.

‘Even your shoes are ugly’ disrupts and throws off one’s focus like bloodhounds temporarily losing a scent. In our anecdote, perhaps Madam in that moment looked at her shoes, thereby breaking her line of focus with the fired house help. And if there were witnesses to this exchange, they too, would have momentarily scrutinized Madam’s shoes.

Some would have indeed ascertained that Madam’s shoes are truly hideous – as the fired employee smirked over her trifling win. Enter the Honorable Mathias Mpuuga, former leader of opposition (LOP) in parliament, a suave well-kitted-out politician in his prime. The position of LOP is bewitching – with all its monetary rewards and privileges, one must walk a tightrope in the gilded corridors of power to stay the narrow course.

The trending Uganda Parliament Exhibition on the social media platform called X, formerly known as Twitter, seemingly caught the opposition flat-footed – as if they did not expect that the searchlight glaring into the excesses of the 11th Parliament would illuminate the skeletons relaxing in the closets of opposition members of parliament (MPs).

Opposition MPs who have found themselves caught up in the dragnet alongside the speaker of parliament have stuttered fluently, lamentably blustering, ‘Why me?’ Mpuuga has been cited in the controversial doling out of public funds where a few parliamentary commissioners looked upon their backbreaking work and deemed themselves deserving of a juicy reward worth hundreds of millions each.

Mpuuga’s political party, the National Unity Platform (NUP), the newest kid on the block of Uganda’s hollow multipartyism, seeks to lead by example in walking that anti-corruption talk. According to NUP, when the news of the juicy reward was just between NUP leaders and Mpuuga, Mpuuga allegedly took the road hardly travelled by Ugandan political leaders.

NUP claims Mpuuga owned his mess and even agreed to step aside. Blasphemy! If true, that would be a presidential fairytale. Our leaders have a winning formula when accused of malfeasance – they cry the ‘mafia.’ Thankfully, homosexuality has rescued them from the ignominy of the mafia and jealous haters, our political leaders now cry, ‘homosexuals are after me.’

However, Mpuuga’s flurry of testy letter writing has doubled down on his version of ‘even your shoes are ugly.’ He has accused NUP leadership of witch-hunting him, arguing ‘Why me and what about…’

In his most recent missive, he pulled out bigger guns, wondering why NUP top honchos previously accused of sexual harassment went unpunished. Therafa, I marvel at the defiance of the fired house help. Refusing to go out without the last word, that juicy morsel that depletes the sensibility in an argument signaling its descent into inanity, she brazenly implied that the ugliness of her employer’s shoes was far graver than her being fired for insolent ineptitude.

Mpuuga, in his ornate writings, implies that his party leadership is incapable of holding him to account. Mpuuga does have a point – his whataboutism highlights other skeletons we would not have known about if not for his ‘tribulations.’ The Conversation notes in a May 2022 article, ‘Whataboutism: what it is and why it is such a popular tactic in arguments’, “…even if the person making the accusation is a hypocrite or has double standards, this does not mean that their accusation is false.”

When I attempt to bamboozle my husband with what I imagine is a show-stopping mic-drop argument, he casually replies, “Two things can be true at the same time.”

Yes, Mpuuga (and the other MPs) should be held accountable – we are holding our breath and hope we survive. Equally, Mpuuga’s allegations about double standards in NUP present the NUP leadership with yet another opportunity to shame its critics who feverishly fast and pray for its demise.

Our main challenge, according to The Conversation, is that the Mpuuga vs NUP letter-writing contest has veered away from accountability to who will blink first.

“In philosophy, an argument is a reasoned debate aimed at truth… people often do not view arguments in this way. They view them, rather, as battles to be won. Their goal is to get their opponent to concede as much as possible without their conceding anything themselves.”

We behold NUP charting unchartered waters of public accountability where even the ruling party slinks away like a vampire hiding from the sun. Unfortunately, Mpuuga’s delightfully snarky letters to the NUP leadership has placed accountability to Ugandans on the back burner.

Dear reader, even your shoes are ugly but do not let that stop you – at least they are your shoes – and on your feet! Besides, the house help from our anecdote is still quite fired.

smugmountain@gmail.com

The writer is a tayaad muzzukulu.