Sex Talk: Time to throw the manual away 

I know this will be a controversial one, but yes; go ahead and throw away the recycled manual that was handed to you as you entered marriage.

Times have changed and rendered some of the things therein obsolete – unlikely as that may sound. Where I come from, the manual was written during an era when so many things were different: the average wife did not hold a job or an education; the average house was modest, but not self-contained; families lived either in sprawling houses or in multiple houses/huts dotting the same homestead, depending on social status and income.

The manual was thus tailored for handling lovemaking under such circumstances. A wife’s sole duty and reason for living was her husband’s happiness and sexual satisfaction; so, ssenga’s manual went as far as advising on things such as when and where a wife (never the husband!) could break wind, how to exaggerate her orgasm (or fake it, if her husband’s A-game was honestly a Z) to fan her husband’s ego, etc.

And now here we are with a society full of highly educated wives holding down big jobs and responsibilities; so, being at your sexual beck and call any time of the day may be a tall order.

This also means a society of women comfortable in their skins and in tune with what their bodies want; so, instead of faking it all the time, will most likely walk away in search of greener pastures as the recent DNA controversy has demonstrated.

Also, it is an era of modern homes with ensuite bathrooms; so, chances are you will find it easier jumping into the shower together after making love, as opposed to ssenga’s advice about using soft clothes and water to sponge him off in bed.

Besides, imagine what modernity has served up in form of couples living with their children in a one-room muzigo (bedsitter); how do you expect that wife to start sponging you off and making a show of the aftermath – not mentioning shouting her mandatory praises – without tripping over her sleeping children? Just go right to sleep, sir, already.

I am a big proponent of that original ssenga’s manual – well, at least most of it – for culture and nostalgia’s sake, but hey, times are changing. There are dynamics of living with the help, yet in ssenga’s manual a wife and her children handle all the domestic chores.

The manual as it has been passed down from generation to generation, does not say how to handle long-distance marriages that the current bully-economy is forcing on many couples. And nope, it is no longer just the husband that travels for business; those women you see queuing at the airport to go try their luck as housemaids in the Middle East?

Many of them are wives and mothers taking the gamble to leave husbands behind in the capable hands of maids or siblings. The manual (designed with a working, all-powerful, successful husband in mind) did not equip the modern wife on how to handle the situation when she is the breadwinner.

While in the West being a stay-at-home dad is a noble choice, it is still very much frowned upon in these parts of the world, and wives are flying blind in that area, because the ancient manual did not anticipate the switch.

Or, where factors are constant as per the original manual, the fact that Husband Dearest will be working with a bunch of beautiful women that find married men immensely attractive and have no qualms pursuing them aggressively.

So, don’t you agree that we may have to ditch the manual and leave each couple to navigate its own dynamics and try to stay on top of their game?

caronakazibwe@gmail.com