Sex Talk: Small hacks with big impact

There are things you will be told to invest in, because they will make your sex life and marriage better, and you will argue, “But look, not all of us have money for that!”

Fine, maybe not every couple can afford to go on holiday to recharge their sex lives; not everyone can afford a gym subscription when other things are mounting financial pressure; not every couple can afford to redecorate and change things up in their bedroom, because the bedroom happens to also be the kitchen and sitting room…

But there are life hacks that don’t need much money; more like lifestyle adjustments at home that will, nonetheless, help your marriage greatly.

ABLUTION

This is not just a Muslim thing. We need to stop making fun of our Muslim brothers and sisters that take a can of water with them whenever they visit the toilet, and normalize copying them.

This is even more important when you make that trip to the toilet at bedtime or in the middle of the night. Thank God for modernity, even the simplest house these days has an ensuite bathroom. So, my friend, wash your genitals before getting back into that bed.

It is an unwritten etiquette rule, especially if you share a bed with another human being. So, don’t be careless and nasty.

TAKE BUSHERA/ENTURIRE

The first time I tasted that cold millet-malt mixture, I spat it right out and wiped my mouth in disgust. But because I had heard from several women’s meetings that this cold bushera is the main ingredient in the mysteries of easy lubrication for women where the drink is a staple, my curiosity did not go away.

I kept trying different brands until I found a couple on supermarket shelves that agreed with my palate and eventually grew on me. So, there. Don’t say I didn’t tell you.

CHANGE SHEETS EVERY TWO DAYS

If you can afford to do this more often, even better; but by all means, don’t share a bed with your spouse – even when yours is an asexual marriage – and leave the same bedsheets on for weeks. Gross.

Do you know that feeling of sliding between a fresh-smelling, clean pair of sheets at the end of a long day? Imagine having that almost daily. How can you fail to ‘be in the mood’, riyale?

Even if you own only two pairs (you can do better, though), normalize washing and replacing them every two days at most.

AIR YOUR MATTRESS IN THE HOT SUN

And while at it, also normalize dragging your mattress out into the sun, regularly. I once overheard an old woman say in Luganda: “The way to tell which marriages are happy in the bedroom and which ones are not, is by how often they air out their mattresses.”

It took me a while to figure out what she meant, but I then had my Eureka moment, like I hope you are having yours right about now. Even I have limits to what I can explain in a family newspaper like this one. Anyway, just put the mattress in the sun, already!

STEAM YOURSELF REGULARLY

This is for the women. Not because of Covid-19 this time, but for vaginal health. Although there have not been scientific studies on this, those who practice yoni steaming gush about its effectiveness.

It is said to help women struggling with fertility, reduce pain and discomfort related to menstruation and deodorize naturally – depending on herbs used, etc.

It is basically just steaming water in a bucket with herbs such as rosemary, eucalyptus, etc, which you then squat or stand over for about 20 minutes, with a long skirt or sheet locking the steam in. I know someone in Uganda who swears by this.

THROW AWAY UNDERWEAR

Last but definitely not least, provide a shock effect by regularly changing your underwear. Don’t wear your boxers until they are threadbare. And for women, it is a matter of health too; change your panties as often as every six months to avoid infections.

Teach this to your daughters too from a young age, so that they don’t grow into women that walk around with holes in their years-old, loose knickers.

carol@observer.ug